Quantum leap in consciousness for my birthday gift to me! :)

About 3 weeks ago I woke suddenly about 5 am and jumped out of bed with an urgency I did not understand at first.  I went outside and stood in my bare feet in my PJS and looked around me as I listened to the birds almost shouting good morning!!! I felt a stir inside a kind of desperation and as I stayed with this feeling I was overwhelmed by emotion of gratitude and joy for all that surrounded me, my life, our home this amazing land, my dear husband of 33 years our sons their family and our dear dear friends.  Then I felt this sadness that I was turning 50 in just a couple of weeks and I had not reached the goals that I had set for myself.  Almost as instantly as I felt these emotions I felt a nudge of sorts, from God the universe I cannot explain it, it was simply an awareness that the goals were not going to be met until I was willing to step into my life 100%!!! I took a breath and I knew, I really knew in that moment I was on a mission!!
 

For many years now over 20 years I have been on this amazing journey of self-discovery and healing.  Over 5 years ago I began another journey training to become an Integrative Coach.  To say that today I am not even close to who I was 5 years ago wouldnot be an exaggeration, I look the same in some ways, but the changes from within are so much that I would not even know where to begin;  yet in that moment at 5 am I realized that I was still only living 50% of the capacity of who I have become today! Now for future reference I realize we all have infinite possibilities and the ability to reach for the sky and beyond but first each step along the way we need to be willing to step 100% into the newest evolution of ourselves.

For about 8 months now starting last winter I slid back into some dark places, what we call in coaching my default mode.  With some stress in my life I went back to very comfortable ways of being complacent.  I stopped envisioning and dreaming and went into an old friend I call survival mode.  You know this friend , the part of us that slides through the day without real passion or direction.  I call this a friend because at one time in my life this friend served me well but no longer.   Don’t get me wrong I have done amazing things over the past years that I am so proud of but I realized in the early dawn that I had lost my passion for life.  I got lazy with my journey and realized I was way out of integrity in so many ways. 

So for the last 3 weeks I have been working harder than at any other time in my life to shift my old paradigm. Those old patterns of thoughts and habits that no longer serve us.  Every morning I am spending at least 60 min writing my vision, dreaming, praying  and focusing on how I can show up that day with greater integrity to myself and others no matter what comes my way!  I have recommitted to my body and have made a list of integrity issues that I have not addressed and one by one I am doing them all, from cleaning out my closets to finishing long forgotten to do lists.  I have this overwhelming urge to strive for excellence in a way I have never before.  Not perfection because that is God’s business but for excellence!

I am so excited for my 50th Birthday now for I have committed to be unrecognizable to myself! Yes I will still look the same to others yet the people who know me will and have already seen the change.  I realize now that my vision is not possible until I make one hell of a quantum leap in my consciousness and stay committed to it no matter what and I am going to celebrate this new evolution on July 18th and beyond!!

 I WILL still continue to welcome my default shadow selves, fear, judgement, unworthiness, etc in the door of my heart to teach me to love all of who I am but they are not allowed to move in!!! I Will listen to my heart’s desire with a new awareness and understanding and bring a new level of integrity to everything I do, EVERYTHING; from my coaching to washing the dishes!!!!!!  I have called on a good friend to hold me accountable, we have been talking once a week.  I have a calendar that I show below that I put colourful dots on each day that I stay integrity with my body.  For me this is walking, yoga, eating well and Qigong at night before I go to bed.  I love seeing my progress , it reminds me of Sunday school when we got gold stars!! I love who I am and more importantly I love who I am becoming, this is what I give to me as a birthday gift and may the next half of my life be the best I have ever had!!!!

Let us all commit to loving ourselves and others more than we ever thought possible!! What can you do today to make a quantum leap in consciousness!  We all deserve to live life to the absolute fullest!!

This is what I see every morning this summer at 5am from my front lawn! A pathway I mow to my bluberry field.

Visual reminder of self care

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Compassionate wise questions can lead us too freedom.

I have been writing my memoir lately.  It has been quite a cathartic exercise for sure.  I highly recommend it to anyone.  I chose at this time in my life to write it from an observer and not a victim perspective.  Yes I had a very painful childhood but it gave me the foundation of who I am today.   I knew the time was right and as I write my story I have come to an understanding that this is how I am living my life now.  I am moving forward and no longer stuck in the past. It amazes me that as I turn 50 this year I have finally arrived to this point in time where I understand more of who I am and what I want in life!! Much of my journey of healing has come from asking myself wise and compassionate questions.  Early on I learned the power of this wisdom and was truly etched in me when I became a coach.

I think it is important to be the observer of your own life each and every day.  Simply put, too look at your life objectively as if looking at someone else’s life.  Much of my life today is teaching this concept to others but I too forget this wisdom from time to time.   The most important thing is to step out of our pity parties long enough to ask ourselves some questions.  It may only take one question to shift our perspective and other times we may need to spend some time asking a few more such as  “What do I need here and now?” “Can I accept where I am in this moment without judgement?” or “How can I see this differently so I can feel empowered?” Or one of my favourites from Debbie Ford’s book The Right Questions, “Am I looking for what is right or am I looking for what is wrong?” or another one from the same book “Is this an Act of self-love or is this an act of self-sabotage?” When we are struggling the most important thing to remember is to ask questions even if the answers elude us in the moment.  The minute we ask a wise compassionate question we are opening our hearts to a much higher wisdom than our wounded ego can answer.

When I forget this wisdom I easily fall victim to my ego and go into the blame game, either with myself or directed towards others.  I am amazed at how quickly asking a simple question either direct or more often open-ended can release so much anxiety!

One question to be careful of is a question that starts with “why”.  If we are not careful we can easily get stuck in a pity party starting any question with this little 3 letter word.  With this one word we can render ourselves powerless.  The most important part to remember is that questions need to be loving and compassionate without  judgement to be affective.

I will end this by quoting Mary O’Malley from her book “The Gift of our Compulsions”

“Live in Questions! Live in Questions! Live in Questions!” Mary reminds us over and over like so many other wise people who have come to understand this powerful tool.  When we do not have the answers to life’s challenges we simply are not asking the right questions!  I invite us to remember the importance of this practice or maybe now is the time to start this as a new practice today.  Ask yourself the right questions when you are faced with a challenge, you will soon learn to set yourself free!  You are truly wiser than you know! 🙂  www.sacredsharing.ca

If you want to explore this more I highly recommend Debbie Ford’s book “The Right Questions” to help you begin this journey!

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The dandilion’s message of renewal!

“It’s a new dawn, a new day and a new life” I cannot get that song out of my mind this morning.  It speaks of the promise of renewal each and every day! That is what I feel every spring. I feel that now that spring is officially here I need to clear out my garden beds and make room for new plants and seeds.  This is also a time for me to wake up the creative energy by planting and cultivating new thoughts and ideas, but first I need to pull out and examine the thoughts and patterns that are in the way! 

Remember our mind is a wonderful fertile ground and what ever we plant will grow! 🙂 At times my fertile mind is full of choke weeds which are negative thoughts that are covering the nourishing weeds which are my creative passionate ideas and thoughts underneath.  Our mind is no different from a garden. Left unattended the garden will be over run by weeds that will not let in any sunshine to the very plants that you want to grow.  This week I will be concentrating on pulling out the negative thoughts and patterns that have kept me stuck this winter  and give them some sunlight which is affirming not condemning attention, it is important not to make them wrong in any way but taking a gentle look at them with a loving filter.

In shadow work we look at these negative patterns with a new filter of compassion and uncover the reason why we have them in the first place.  With that knowledge we then can integrate and heal them.  In this way it is much more effective than trying to poison them with more thoughts about yourself that are unkind.   

The same is true in nature, the perfect example of this is dandelion weeds on our lawns.  A lot of  people buy poison to kill these weeds and if you took some time and researched these amazing little weeds you would discover that they have amazing medicinal properties of healing and restoration!! The roots are wonderful cleansers for your liver and the leaves are a great tonic for you kidneys!  If you use poison they are no longer edible or compostable.  It is much more wise to pull up these delightful little weeds and either consume them or at the very least compost them to help fertilize your lawn. Just as with our negative thoughts it is much more effective to observe them without judgment and discover the gift of why they are there in the first place and then magically they will no longer have the same negative power!  

Observe and cultivate your thoughts today, let them teach you to do better and like a dandelion when your thoughts go to seed they can  be taken by the wind to a world of possibilities!!   

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“Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire!”Saint Catherine of Siena

I heard this wonderful quote this week on TV watching the Royal Wedding of William and Kate.  How fitting that these words would be part of the homily in their ceremony.  Even as we come together in marriage we are still individuals with gifts and talents that are meant to be brought into this world.  Yes having a supportive and loving partner can mirror who we are but we still have 100% responsibility individually to be all of who we are meant to be.   

We get caught up in life from time to time, we get so busy that we lose ourselves in others and in life and then forget that there is something very unique in all of us.  This uniqueness needs time to be nourished and fed in order for it to be brought into the world.  We need time to feed our body, mind and our souls.  This opens us up and creates the desire to move in the directions of our dreams.  It gives us the time to reboot and replenish our energy so that we can go back out into the world with that fire to make change and be in service to others.  

I know for me when I do this I have that fire! There is something that wells up inside that I cannot put into words.  Last summer I spent a lot of time in nature gathering wild herbs ,walking in the warm sun and cool breeze of the ocean.   It nourished me in ways that nothing else can for me.  I was very present in my body and nourished my cells with amazing herbal infusions and fresh veggies from local gardeners and from my own hothouse.  I had the most productive and creative summers in a very long time because of this and this wonderful quote from Saint Catherine reminded me.  It felt like I was setting the world on fire.  That fire came first from within and then spread out into the world.

Over this past winter I lost sight of this fire by letting those things that most nourish me to be set aside by all too often using the old excuse “not having enough time” or worse forgetting or plain indifference .  Of course this leads me to a place of self-pity and frustration at times and little by little I was doing very little of those things that fuel my fire.  Within a few short months my fire went from a roaring bomb fire to a small flicker!  The change in us can be so subtle unless we are diligent about this inner flame it will go down to nothing more than a small spark. This spring I have chosen to once again each day fuel my inner flame and I feel that I am waking up that fire again.  I have to remind myself everyday that it is a choice. 

I invite all of us to find out what fuels our inner flame and make a commitment each and everyday to keep adding that fuel.  Remember unless we take care of our emotional, physical and spiritual health we soon find ourselves burnt out caring for others.  As one of my favourite authors Iyanla Vanzant says “Who we are is so is important to God, Who you are is so vitally important to life and to God that you owe it to yourself to take care of you.  To give yourself, to nurture, support and care for yourself before you attempt to nurture support or care for others.  All you desire to be…to give… to do… cannot and will not happen unless you take radically good care of yourself”

Take care of your inner fire and then go out and set the world on fire with your life!!

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Living life authentically

This word “authentic” is used a lot by people who want to follow a more honest life that reflects more of who they really are.  I believe it is what most of us want but have a hard time to live.  There are so many reasons why most of us do not live authentically, we are caught up in what others think of us, we have patterns of thoughts and habits that we adopt as normal, we need to fit in or be accepted, etc. On a day-to-day basis we rarely speak or act from our own truth.   How many times do we ignore that small wee voice that is telling us something we need to do or not do? How many times do we lie to ourselves or others in order to not have confrontation or disapproval? We often appear on the outside completely different from what we feel on the inside.  Living life authentically is a practice that we can become committed too.  A client shared with me 2 words today that spoke miles to me, “noise” and “voice”.  Noise being all that we hear that has been programmed by others and society about who we are supposed to be or do and our own voice which tells us more often to follow another path.  

One way I have learned to let go of some of the “noise” is by doing shadow work.  Spending time learning to uncover and love those darker parts of me that have been patterned by a life time of what society and people taught me.   Those parts of me that judge, get angry and blame others, or parts of me that say yes to things I know I should not be doing and then being angry at the person for asking! There are wonderful gifts from being honest about how much of our lives that we are not happy about comes from our own choices.  There is so much freedom in taking full ownership of all of who we are, both the light and the dark.  When we do we shift through the noise and hear our own voice.  It begins by being willing to look at yourself and others through a filter of compassion, love and forgiveness.  Without this filter we spend too much time beating ourselves or others up through guilt, anger, frustration or shame.  I have heard the phrase “keeping it real” a lot these days and to me when I hear people using that saying it is all too often projecting pain on to others.   To me being authentic is listening to that inner voice that does not need to hurt someone’s feelings or project pain onto others.  

In my own life I have learned that by being authentic with the filter of compassion, love and forgiveness I no longer need the approval of others in the same way I once did nor do I spend needless hours blaming myself or others for my life.  I can set much better boundaries and follow through with what I feel lead to even when it may not make sense! 🙂  Because of this when others get angry or struggle with those boundaries I do not take on their projections in the same way I once did either.

“Listening”… truly listening to our own inner guidance can create more passion, love and service to others that comes from a genuine heart not out of some obligation that we end up feeling resentful about.   

Today I invite us all to become more authentic where we are following less noise and more of our own voice.

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Let Japan’s beautful example be our wake up call!

The crisis in Japan is bringing back our focus on Honour.  I heard it said last night that it is not just compassion that the people of Japan are demonstrating but honour, something here in the West we have lost sight of a generation ago.  Some of the words that are associated with the definition of the word honour.  “Personal integrity, respect, dignity, source of pride, moral character or strength, or adherence to ethical principle”.

This topic has left me pondering this word.  The fact is that this horrific crisis is reminding the world what honour looks like, people are not only helping each other but they are honouring and respecting each others property. They are not taking ownership of anything but sharing the resources without any personal agenda attached.  People’s homes are left unlocked with signs outside inviting strangers in to fill their water jugs.  Others are coming home to find food and water left on their door steps anonymously.

This is something that this generation of Westerners are losing.  We all get angry because we say that the young people here are spoiled and feel entitled.  Who created this? 

I have a 95-year-old neighbour who speaks of a time in his youth when everyone in the neighbourhood left their doors unlocked and the porch light on for anyone who needed a place of shelter and a bite to eat.   He would think nothing of waking up to find a person on the couch needing rest.  Everyone in the neighbourhood took care of each other.  This was a time when a handshake was the contract and your word was binding.  The majority of his generation could not even think of stealing.  Objects were not your wealth but family values and service was what made you rich.  

In our over zealous to keep our children from suffering too much hardship we forgot that those hardships taught us to need and respect each other.  We have deeply failed our youth, and as our generation gets older we have become cynicical and angry because of what our world has become.  Everywhere I turn these days whether it is in business or social gatherings all you hear is gossip, anger and frustration about this generation that has turned us against each other and into a cynicism for humanity. Honour can only be taught through example, and this can only be done if we first honour our own lives.  We first must be willing to own and heal our own wounds and then we can become that beckon of honour and show them through our actions the power of such a society.  

We forget that what we are putting out into the world grows.  Most people are like a fertile field, and what we plant will grow.  If we plant poisonous plants, anger, judgement, entitlement that is what will grow.  If you want nourishing plants then plant seeds of love, service, non-judgment and compassion.  Plant an honour system that not only values others but mirrors what is possible for our youth.  Be a reflection that takes the light off of things and put it back on people and community.  I invite each and every one of us to let go of this disease of cynicism, and over consumption and step into the honour society once again.  If we want to teach this generation honour then become honourable.  Let your words and actions be a becaon of light that shines on the concept of honour that was our grandparent’s legacy that allot of us failed to pass on.

 Let Japan’s beautful example be our wake up call!

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One thing I know for sure I will and do make mistakes.

One thing I know for sure is I do and will make mistakes.  Sometimes they are small and on occasion they are big.  Just this week I made a whopper.  It was one of those weeks when life hands you a whole lot , I was emotionally and physically burned out and was not as mindful I would be normally! There are wonderful lessons we can learn by being humbled from time to time. 🙂  

Normally I know better to write anything in this kind of condition but I did anyway. I usually take better care of myself during times such as these but ignored my inner wisdom.  I had my normal period of regret along with beating myself up and finally today I found the lesson and realized I had to let it go.  Once again I learned to better listen to my inner voice when it is telling me I need rest instead of work.  

This journey we are on does not always unfold as we would like and we are all given challenges along the way.  There are always lessons in life to learn and it’s important that we realize we all make mistakes.  They really are not mistakes at all if we are willing to learn from them and move forward.   

Forgive yourself today, take yourself of the hook and learn the lesson.  Life is much to short to spend too much time in regret. Mistakes only need to be a detour not a dead-end.

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