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I was at the YMCA working out the other morning on one of the machines. It had been a few years since I had been and it was really nice catching up with old friends from before. This morning in particular I was next to a young woman who I knew from before and she was lamenting about how she was really angry with herself for all the years she had been fat. She had lost a huge amount a few years back and felt that she needed a reminder and was going to put up a picture of herself when she was fat as a deterrent to overeating.
This conversation struck me as sad for I could hear in her voice so much regret and anger for the woman she was. In reality that anger and regret spills into the woman she is.
Although I am still overweight , I too have been able to keep 70lbs off that I had lost several years ago. When I look at the pictures of me at my heaviest I am filled with love and gratitude for her. I neither feel sorry for her nor have any anger for her now. I too remember being filled with disappointed and anger with myself and yet I have come to love the part of me that felt she needed protection from the world. There were many reasons for my being overweight; most now have healed. It is so easy to judge people who are overweight. Some of us gained it as a way of protecting ourselves from painful stories; we simply carry the scars where people can see; others hide them behind anger, blame and frustration that gets projected at the world. My weight prevented me from the later. It was and is a beautiful gift. My weight is my teacher and I learn from each and every pound that I let go of, one at a time. Yes let go of, not lose. I know that being overweight is not healthy but in the end I also believe that self-hatred is much more destructive.
Ultimately until we find self-love and forgiveness we are never really lovingly present in our bodies or to others weither we are overweight or not.
Here is a picture at my heaviest and I am hugging a dear friend; I look at me here and I know that for many reasons I was perfect the way I was.
Find a way to see yourself through eyes that are accepting and loving. When we do, we get to see others through the same loving and accepting filter. Remember the old saying “What you resist persists”. When I stopped judging myself magic began to happen. What is one way you could find more magic this week for yourself?