I have been writing my memoir lately. It has been quite a cathartic exercise for sure. I highly recommend it to anyone. I chose at this time in my life to write it from an observer and not a victim perspective. Yes I had a very painful childhood but it gave me the foundation of who I am today. I knew the time was right and as I write my story I have come to an understanding that this is how I am living my life now. I am moving forward and no longer stuck in the past. It amazes me that as I turn 50 this year I have finally arrived to this point in time where I understand more of who I am and what I want in life!! Much of my journey of healing has come from asking myself wise and compassionate questions. Early on I learned the power of this wisdom and was truly etched in me when I became a coach.
I think it is important to be the observer of your own life each and every day. Simply put, too look at your life objectively as if looking at someone else’s life. Much of my life today is teaching this concept to others but I too forget this wisdom from time to time. The most important thing is to step out of our pity parties long enough to ask ourselves some questions. It may only take one question to shift our perspective and other times we may need to spend some time asking a few more such as “What do I need here and now?” “Can I accept where I am in this moment without judgement?” or “How can I see this differently so I can feel empowered?” Or one of my favourites from Debbie Ford’s book The Right Questions, “Am I looking for what is right or am I looking for what is wrong?” or another one from the same book “Is this an Act of self-love or is this an act of self-sabotage?” When we are struggling the most important thing to remember is to ask questions even if the answers elude us in the moment. The minute we ask a wise compassionate question we are opening our hearts to a much higher wisdom than our wounded ego can answer.
When I forget this wisdom I easily fall victim to my ego and go into the blame game, either with myself or directed towards others. I am amazed at how quickly asking a simple question either direct or more often open-ended can release so much anxiety!
One question to be careful of is a question that starts with “why”. If we are not careful we can easily get stuck in a pity party starting any question with this little 3 letter word. With this one word we can render ourselves powerless. The most important part to remember is that questions need to be loving and compassionate without judgement to be affective.
I will end this by quoting Mary O’Malley from her book “The Gift of our Compulsions”
“Live in Questions! Live in Questions! Live in Questions!” Mary reminds us over and over like so many other wise people who have come to understand this powerful tool. When we do not have the answers to life’s challenges we simply are not asking the right questions! I invite us to remember the importance of this practice or maybe now is the time to start this as a new practice today. Ask yourself the right questions when you are faced with a challenge, you will soon learn to set yourself free! You are truly wiser than you know! 🙂 www.sacredsharing.ca
If you want to explore this more I highly recommend Debbie Ford’s book “The Right Questions” to help you begin this journey!