For too many years I struggled with my weight going on diets with endless weighing, measuring and counting calories. The endless mustering up courage to start once again on a new program. Always it ended the same, few days or weeks into the diet I would eventually have a melt down of some sort and binge on comfort food. Eventually I destroyed my gallbladder with the constant yoyo eating. About 20 years ago many hear me speak of a book I read “Nourishing Wisdom” by Mark David. This changed my outlook and understanding about food and eating in general. Although I was not ready then to give up my compulsion for food as my numbing drug of choice, he was truly the first person I had ever read that understood it was not so much what we ate but why, and how we related to food that was a much deeper truth. He helped m see that food was not good or bad in general but how we relate to it and the actual physical way we eat. He also has a new book called “The Slow Down Diet” and I highly recommend them both.
In many ways that first book gave me the insight that instilled an understanding that dieting was not the answer and from that point on I stopped.
This summer I embarked on an amazing journey inward and spent a great deal of time in silence and contemplation as I had shared. I spent a lot time in nature and felt the support of the summer sun as I gathered wild herbs. I felt a deep peacefulness that only comes for me in the stillness of silence. In this peacefullness I became aware that it was time to seek more answers. I have been on a long journey with my eating compulsions and have uncovered many buried treasures along the way. I have managed to take off about 90lbs for about 3 years now. I did briefly put back on 30 lbs when I was ill which was a wonderful journey and helped uncover more. I did eventually take this back off yet at the beginning of this summer I still carried extra weight and knew I had to go deeper. I love my body more than at anytime in my life. Shadow work had cracked me wide open and created in me this wonderful journey of self acceptance I had never had before. Shadow work gave me amazing tools to help uncover the woman I really am and ways to take better care of myself. This gift gave me a path back to my body. I move my body now on a regular basis and have thoroughly enjoyed getting to love and know my body. Yet there was still this extra weight that seems to be holding on to teach me yet another lesson.
I also decided to ask a dear friend who is a fellow Integrative Life Coach to coach me. From the beginning of our journey together I was led back to this issue of this last extra weight that I still carried. I knew it was time to step into this fully and I had to be willing to look at it with a new filter. This was a wonderful step for with her beautiful guidance and support I was able to be cracked wide open once again to hear and be guided by my own inner wisdom yet again. I knew it was time to look for more buried treasure. My dear coach helped me connect with a whole new vision for my life and in order to release this into the world I had to surrender. I uncovered many treasures that helped open the door for another piece of the puzzle to come in. All through coaching I felt guided that food was the answer and as always when I surrender into my inward journey, I find guidance from unexpected ways. First by an amazing coach and then in a book! I believe it was because of the coaching sessions that I was able to incorporate the wisdom of this book so profoundly. Thanks so much dear friend!
At the end of the summer towards the end of my coaching session I started reading “Woman Food and God” by Geneen Roth and like Marc David she understands that it is not about the food. Her book released in me the last piece of the puzzle about my relationship with food.
I have always said that Marc David began my journey making peace with food and now Gween Roth give me another piece that I needed. I had made peace with my body for the most part and even somewhat with food. But underneath it all I still would at times become unsettled when I would binge on food. These times now are rare but still happen and all though I mostly find tremedous commpassion for myself I knew there was missing part I needed.
After reading this book I gave myself permission to let food be another way back to myself. Food has now become my teacher. I have started to follow simple guidlines ( even though I still resist at times) when I eat that Geneen and Marc both suggest and I do my best to be in awareness of how my body is feeling when I eat. I have finally surrendered to this journey with more openess that has given me a new level of joy, compassion and understanding. Because of that I have been given one more beautiful gift for my tool chest! I have found a new level of peace and understanding with food!!! Whaaaa hoooo! I am so glad because I LOVE TO EAT!!! 🙂